JACKIE EXPLOSION!
by elphabachan
Summary: After suffering the humiliation of Hyde letting her fall into a pond, Jackie is ready to sit in the water and rot. Until she meets a metal rocker by the name of Explosion. 70 Show Metalocalypse crossover. For Zenkindoflove!


A/N: Okay, this is really just obscure and has nothing to do with nothing. Background. Zenkindoflove and I were talking about how sad it was that Hyde just let Jackie fall into that lake in the TERRIBLE SEASON 8, and somehow this spawned into an idea about how Jackie would meet Nathan Explosion of Adult Swim's METALOCALYPSE. Yep. You read that right. So if you know nothing about METALOCALYPSE or Dethklok, this will make no sense. And you should check it out anyway, as it's hilarious!! And no flames please, they make me cry. So this is for you, ZenKindofLove!!

Disclaimer: I own neither 70S SHOW nor NATHAN EXPLOSION!!!

Jackie had told Steven to go away and leave her in the pond he let her fall into. She had had enough of him, and after he had turned his back and walked away, she'd let herself start crying. After all, she wasn't as strong as she tried so hard to be. So she cried into her hands, and couldn't find any reason to pull herself from that pond. What was the point?

"Hey," the gravelly voice said. Jackie looked up, to see a large, pale man on a fierce looking horse. "You're sitting in a pond. That's so metal."

"Look, I'm not in the mood for this right now," she said, wiping her eyes. "So listen, whoever you are, just take your creepy horse and bad hair and leave me alone."

"You look sad," he said.

"If you MUST know, I just cut ties with my ex boyfriend who married a stripper instead of me!" she exclaimed.

"Is she a hot stripper?" he asked.

"Oh my GOD, what is WRONG WITH YOU MEN?" she shrieked, glaring up at him. "Stripper does not equal hot! Just because she can dance around a pole does not mean she knows what to do with a man! Let me tell you, I can run CIRCLES around her in that department!!"

"… Yeah?" he asked, smiling a little. "I'm Nathan Explosion."

"That's a weird name."

"Well what's your name?" he asked.

"Jackie Burkhart."

"Wanna go for a ride, Jackie Burkhart?" She looked up at him, and then the horse.

"Your horse is terrifying, why would I want to ride it?"

"I wasn't talking about the horse."

"Pig!"

"Huh. You're pretty brutal."

"Whatever."

"….. Want help out of that pond?" he asked. She brushed some wet hair back behind her ear, and nodded. "Hold out your arm." She did, and he grabbed her and hoisted her onto the horse.

"Wow, when I thought about my white knight in shining armor coming to take me away I never pictured YOU," she said, snarkily. "Or a horse like this. You're kind of ironic that way."

"Well maybe I can be your dark knight in METAL armor," he said. She held onto his huge waist as he began riding off.

"Just so you know, you're not going to get anywhere with me just because you pulled me out of that pond," she said. "You can take me home, and that will probably be the end of it. So don't even THINK of saying that I'm a 'metal babe' as flattery or whatever, because I know I'm NOT. I listen to Donnie Osmond for God's sake."

"WHAAAAAAAT?!" Nathan exclaimed.

"I figured you'd be shocked," she stated. "You don't look like the Donnie Osmond type."

"Okay, I'm going to drop you off but I've lost all respect for you," Nathan said.

"Whatever, I don't need respect from a guy who calls things 'metal' and rides a rabid horse," she said. They rode in silence a little bit.

"So…..," Nathan said. "You wanna make out awhile?"

"….. Yes. But only because I'm lonely and you have pretty eyes," she said. "But you only get a half hour, and if you try to get past second I'm going to kill you." Nathan laughed at the idea of this petite girl killing his entire six foot two self, but nodded.

"Hard core. Those bushes okay?"

"No. You are finding a couch or something," she said.

"How about a bed?"

"No! Beds are too tempting for the likes of you," she said. "So what's this horses name?"

"THUNDERHORSE!" he boomed. She nodded slowly.

"….. How… metal?" she asked.

"Yeah, you go it," he said. "So would me writing a song about you make you feel better?"

"Awww, maybe!" she said. "What would it be called?"

"Sludge Princess," Nathan said. "… Since I found you in sludge." Jackie didn't answer, and just bit her lip.

"Well it's a nice thought, but you don't have to," she said. "Look, let's just find that couch and get me home. Remember, you have a half hour."

"I remember."

"And you better not poke me with that jewelry."

"Yes, Jackie." Nathan sighed a little, and was glad it was just going to be a half hour. While she was hot, he didn't like that he in his metal loving six foot two frame could be conquered by a Donnie Osmond loving 95 pound cheerleader.

THE END


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